When someone is diagnosed with a fatal or potentially fatal disease, especially if that person is considered to be "too young for that sort of thing",(which is bullshit, age is irrelevant, I'm proof of that, and many others like me) whether it be something common like cancer or rare like Descending Mediastinitis (my cousin is a survivor of this awful affliction), inevitably the question is asked by victim, friends and Family alike; why? Why, indeed.
Why, is an unfair and frustrating question because it can never be answered with any degree of certainty. The ecclesiastical implications of the question require a certain amount of faith that some people (myself included) just can't muster and in the end there is still no true answer to the question, just a feeling of acceptance towards a situation that we think we have no control over but if we truly had the courage to face the situation on a level that would require us to grasp the reality of it all, we would find that we have more control than we might think. Which is why I think, when faced with something as important as our own mortality, "how" is the better question to pursue.
Why does a 41 year old man get prostate cancer? I don't know. How does it happen, and how could he have prevented it from reaching a stage where it becomes incurable? For that there are some answers, and some is better than none at all.
At first I believed that I had some genetic predisposition for this cancer, which may still be true as evidenced by the age that it chose to present itself to me, but I have done quite a bit of research into this subject and I've discovered some pretty startling things. The one that surprised me the most is the fact that when it comes to prostate cancer the question is not IF it will develop, but WHEN. That is how the human body works, if you're a man and you live long enough that something else doesn't kill you first, you will develop this cancer. For some men it might take a hundred years, for others only forty, but it WILL happen. (How come they don't say THAT in the fucking commercials?) The only variable that separates us is when it will happen, and that is why it is so important to get checked for it on a regular basis!
I know it sounds a little like I'm beating a dead horse here but right now I'm a feeling pissed off! Thus far the hormone therapy is working very well for me, I feel better now than I have for months, almost no pain, I have been sleeping better, I'm even going back to work next week. I feel almost normal. (whatever that is) But for how long? Five, maybe ten years? Maybe not even that long. Because of what? Because I never got checked. As a result of the length of time that my cancer was allowed to grow and the extent of that growth, my Doctors can't even tell me how long I might have! I'm being forced to squeeze an awful lot of life, and living, into a very short period of time and it fucking sucks!
I'm an average working class guy. I love life, it can be a lot of fun. Being working class though can sometimes be an impediment when it comes to the amount of "life" time that I am able to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, but even on the really good days I can always think of one or two hundred things that I would rather be doing, so when my free time comes I don't like to think about things like going to see a Doctor, even if I'm not feeling well I prefer to just ride it out while doing something more enjoyable. I would much rather be out cruising the highways on two wheels than be in some sterile room with a man poking me in places of my body that I'm not even comfortable with touching myself. (Maybe if it's a woman...) That attitude can work for a long time, for a lot of people, but at what cost? Sure, we're all gonna die someday but why not try to stick around for as long as possible? We could miss out on some pretty good shit.
Don't let your lifestyle or your fear of a lubricated finger up the wazoo (or your faith in an invisible man to protect from such a fate) prevent you from acting on the advice of others or the feeling in your gut.
Focus on the how and do something about it. Then you won't have to ask why.
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"Don't let your lifestyle or your fear of a lubricated finger up the wazoo (or your faith in an invisible man to protect from such a fate) prevent you from acting on the advice of others or the feeling in your gut."
ReplyDeleteWell said. It's sad that our fears and faulty belief systems could actually cost us our life.
I've only, in recent years, come to terms with the ultimate uselessness of the question why. I lost much life pondering the why. The more relevant question is, Now what?
Anthony, you may not have been dealt the best hand but it seems that you are playing it well. Keep at it.