Procedures

It has been suggested to me by the person who inspired me to start this blog, my Muse, if you will, that it could be beneficial to others if I described in greater detail the "ins and outs" (that's a pun, son) of a prostate biopsy as I experienced it, and the cystoscopy as well. Initially I balked at the idea, thinking that if I did that, it might scare men away from wanting to have those tests done. Upon further reflection (and cajoling from said Muse) I realized, no one wants to go through that shit,(<--another pun?) so if I shared my story it might have the opposite effect and make people a little less afraid of it, sort of a, "well, if he can do it, so can I" kinda thing. So...

The purpose of a cystoscopy is to look at your bladder from the inside using a small camera, to see if there are any infections or other abnormalities in the tissue. The only problem is, and I think you see this coming, the only way to get the camera into your bladder is to insert it into your penis through the urethra, your pee-hole! Sounds like a torture technique the Nazis might have used in WWII doesn't it? It would be effective too because if he had asked me before hand to sign a confession instead of doing that procedure, I would have supplied the pen. As it turns out though, it wasn't that bad.

The nurse lead me into the examining room where she asked me lay down on my back, then, as she hovered over me, she started to slowly remove her...whoops, wrong story, sorry... then she left. The Doctor came in and first applied an antiseptic, it looked like iodine, to ensure that there were no unwanted germs going in,(at that juncture, germs were the least of my concerns) then an anesthetic to numb and lubricate the urethra. The numbing effect was short lived for me. It turns out that my urethra is contracted which means the camera wouldn't fit, so he had to run a series of small metal tubes up there first in order to stretch it out and make room. That was...uncomfortable. Once the camera was in there, in order for it to work, he filled my bladder with a solution that's mostly water. It makes you feel like your going to piss all over him but it doesn't happen. Then he starts looking around. I could see my abdomen moving like there was a baby kicking around in there, it was kinda weird, but it didn't hurt. I can't tell you what it looked like to have all that stuff shoved up my willy, metal tubes, camera, water hose, because I stared at the ceiling for most of the time. When I tried to look I got as far as seeing my belly moving around and that was enough, I went right back to the ceiling again. He told me what he was looking at, which I described in an earlier post, pulled it out and it was done. The whole thing took less than ten minutes.

As far as after effects go, there was some blood in my urine for about a day and a half but that was it. See? Nothing to it.

I actually found the prostate biopsy to be more invasive. I'll save that for my next post.