Starting over.

Well...here I go again. It's been some time since I felt the need to use this outlet to assist me in dealing with my "issues" because overall (with the exception of a few weak moments) life has been very good for me. However...

It seems pretty clear at this time that the hormone therapy has indeed stopped working for me.  The pain is coming back.  It's not as bad as it was...yet, but it's coming.  I can feel it.  I'm taking 12 to 16 extra strength Advil every day, plus 2 Oxy-codone tablets at night to help me sleep. ( More on that later.) It works quite well right now, as far as managing the pain, but it's not doing anything to help prevent my ultimate and untimely demise.

I have an appointment with my Oncologist on Sept 10th to discuss treatment options and I have been doing some research.  Right now I'm still optimistic about the future, but that could change depending on what happens on the 10th. I'm more than a little disappointed that the hormone therapy isn't working for me, especially since it started so well and it's so non-intrusive. A pill every day and a needle every three months, who can't handle that? It takes 9-12 months of treatment before it can be determined with any kind of certainty that the therapy is truly working the way it should.  I counted my chickens before they hatched. I have to stop doing that.

I'll be posting updates.  Meanwhile...

It has been a spectacular summer!  I have been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!  It's been good, but, because of the hectic, busy, and often repetitive lifestyle I've been living, it has prevented me from doing some of the things that I had planned to do, seeing some of the people that I want to see, but I'm pretty sure I still have time for that.  (Hmmm.)
I have been so busy that I've sacrificed quite a bit of sleep.  I average about 4 hours a night, when I do sleep. Sometimes I stay awake for so long that when sleep actually does come it's more like my body shutting down than rest, and I never sleep for more than six hours, no matter how long I've been awake. I don't do it intentionally, I do try to sleep but something inside me overrides that natural instinct and I decided to ride it out and see what I might learn from it. Some people call me a vampire, others call me a fruit bat (nicknames... pshaw) I prefer to call it...living!  I feel more alive when I'm awake.

It's kinda funny actually; I spent a long time at the beginning of this "ordeal" yearning for sleep. Sleep that was being taken away from me by the pain, but as soon as the pain was taken away something else started to steal my sleep from me...the desire to experience. The desire to be conscious and aware at all times, to live and experience life as it occurs around me.  I don't want to miss anything.  I've become the person that people call late at night when they can't sleep, because they know that I will be awake.  It's an amazing feeling, being there for your friends in the dark hours when they need someone to talk to. Sometimes I offer advice, but usually I just listen, because really, at the heart of it, that's all anybody truly wants...an ear, someone they can talk to without fear of reproach. They always feel better afterwords, and usually come to their own solutions  because they are saying it out loud instead of just thinking it.  It gives them a different perspective.  I like that I can provide that outlet for them. It makes me feel useful in some way, helpful to the people I care about. 

My life continues to be an amazing and excellent adventure, filled with vibrant and loving characteristics. I may have my "down" moments but I have not lost sight of the appreciation that I have for everything! 
I think that I've heard it said; living is easy, it's life that's the challenge. Although it seems that life and living are becoming a challenge for me, I'm up for it, because both are too good to just give up without a fight.