It's been two days since my visit to the oncologist.
The battle is indeed beginning again.
He has scheduled me for a new round of tests. Bone scan, MRI, x-rays and lots of blood work, in order to determine exactly where I stand with regards to the growth of my cancer.
Due to the nature of hormone refractory cancer he has told me to stop taking my daily hormone pill because at this stage it's likely that the pills are actually feeding my cancer instead of arresting it, which means one of the things that was previously helping to keep me alive is now killing me. [*sigh*] He wants me to continue with my quarterly shots because a sudden influx of testosterone would also be problematic, for the same reason.[**sigh**] On a somewhat lighter note; he almost had a heart attack when I told him how much Advil I've been taking, [The look on his face was priceless] says it bad for my kidneys, so he told me to stop taking that too, or at least so much of it. That's a problem because up to this point the only thing that has been keeping the pain at bay is the Advil. After I've allowed my body a little break from it I'm going to try taking the prescribed amount only, (in conjunction with the pain killers) with the hope that it will still have some effect. I'm not very optimistic about that, there is a reason why I was taking so many of them, but I have to try everything that I can. He gave me a prescription for a low dosage morphine pill (the oxy's make me drowsy. I can't take them and function during the day) which I have been experimenting with to determine how much I need to battle the pain. The past two days have not been very pleasant for me but I think I'm getting closer to the correct dosage now. Today is better than yesterday was, I figure I should have it just about right within the next day or two, I hope. The thing is, pain killers don't get rid of the pain for me, they only lessen it, just make it more bearable. The constant pain gets pretty frustrating after a very short time, but it's part of the fight so I am digging in and hoping for the strength required to deal with it. I have a very good "support group" in my friends and Family, they all help a lot.
My Doctor and I discussed a few of options that could be available to me, none of which can begin until after the test results have come in, which means that pain has now become my constant companion, again. [Welcome back, "friend", you were not missed.] One of them is a new, stronger form of hormone therapy. Another is something called Zoledronic acid. It's given by intravenous infusion into the bloodstream over 15 minutes and usually done every three or four weeks. It's used to help strengthen bones and help relieve bone pain. There is also a radiation treatment that can get rid of the pain but due to it's nature it can only be done in one area of my body, once, which makes the test results an integral part of any decision to move forward. We need to know exactly where to attack the first, and only, time. It's a one shot deal.
I guess that's it as far as an update. I'm not quite sure how I feel about all of this (other than a little overwhelmed) but I'm sure I will have all kinds of things to say about it in the future, once it's sunk in a little.
After all, I am still a wordy fuck. I'm pretty sure that part of my life isn't going to change.
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