memento mori

Just when I thought things might be getting a little better.

Two weeks ago I had a series of CT scans and an MRI.  The purpose of these tests was to determine the effect that the cancer is having on my spine.  I have been experiencing some numbness/tingling in my fingertips and toes for a few weeks now, maybe over a month, I can't keep track of all this shit anymore.  The concern my Doctors had previous to the testing is the degenerative nature of the cancer in my bones and it's effect on my spinal cord as the bones deteriorate.  The question was, will it affect my mobility in the future, the use of my legs and possibly my arms.  The test results (which I just discussed with my Oncologist an hour ago) have given us an answer.  It is no longer a question of if, but when!  My legs for certain, my arms are still a maybe.  Given the way things have been working out for me I could guess which way the arm thing will go, but I should stay positive, right?
WTF!!  
There is a series of treatments that they already started me on which will, in theory, help me to maintain my mobility for as long as possible, but of course they can't say for how long. 
This is becoming more difficult for me to deal with on a week to week basis, even day to day is becoming problematic, including right now!  I am fucking pissed off!  Why is it always bad news?  It makes me feel like giving up and just letting it happen, but I can't do that because there are too many people who would not allow me to make that decision. 
Maybe it's time that people start to realize that it's not their decision to make, or maybe my anger is clouding my judgement.  Either way, it would seem that I have a lot to think about.