Strange days.

The world is a different place for me now. 
My world is one of disconnection from what others might call reality. 
I am a star, but also a spectator. 
A star due to the attention given to me by Doctors, Nurses, Technologists of all kinds trying to "cure" me, and also from the attention and favour showered upon me by my loved ones. 
A spectator due to my inability to to participate in so many things that I took for granted previously.

These past several weeks I've been put through the wringer; physically, emotionally, spiritually.  There have been good moments, but overall, it's been very challenging and based on my itinerary for the next several weeks it isn't about to get any easier.  I have been radiated and chemo-ed almost to death, with little positive affect, [Not zero, but not enough for me.] and now I'm joining a clinical study to test a new drug with hopes of greater success. [Hope...hmm...sometimes I feel I'm running short on that.]  This battle has taken me to places that I never imagined.  I was...naive perhaps, maybe a little too hopeful?  I have felt my strength waning, my resolve...dissolving.  It's not been pleasant.  But...I am currently on an up swing, my strength and my resolve are growing once more, and I am going to ride that train to it's fullest, because right now, that train is all I've got.