Radiation is done, chemo continues, summer is coming, and I feel pretty good.
I'm still a little disappointed that I haven't acquired spider powers from my experience ;-), I guess I'll just have to improvise.
I did get a pretty nifty mask out of the deal. Maybe I should start shopping for a cape.
Bring on the summer...I can't wait!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Some heartfelt advice.
I sit, and I wonder... a lot. [I suppose that's what happens when you get pulled out of the daily grind and your not distracted by the mundaneness that makes up most of our day to day lives.] I ponder over the infinite possibilities -the opportunities- that present themselves to us with every passing moment of our finite existence, the love that binds us together and the avarice that threatens to tear us apart, if we allow it.
This cancer that tries to grow within my shell, that tries to kill it, has been a blessing as well as a curse, on so many levels. I have felt the joy of an outpouring of love and kindness from familiars and strangers alike. I've had conversations and experiences that I'm sure would not have occurred if not for this "threat" that hangs over my head. Dare I be thankful for this curse as a result of the joy that has juxtaposed itself with it? It seems contradictory and yet... on some level I don't think that it can be avoided. Don't get me wrong, I have known (and felt) the love and joy that we all have and are capable of sharing, long before a Doctor found a "nodule" growing on my prostate, it just seems that it takes some kind of tragedy (or impending one) for us to truly let loose and let those around us know how we really feel, about them and sometimes even ourselves.
I have claimed more than one purpose for this rambling blog of mine; education of men's health, quick and easy updates on my condition for the people who care, a place for me to vent. Today, I think I'd like to add another...to remind people that love is a verb, not a noun.
When was the last time you, dear reader, told someone close to you that you love them? Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Spouse, Children, Friend? I'll bet it's been awhile, and I think I know why; for some reason that word makes people squirm. For that discomfort I have no explanation. Perhaps it reminds us of feelings that we selfishly try to keep to ourselves for fear of appearing weak or vulnerable to others. [Which is the opposite of how I think it should make us feel] Whatever the reason for that, my advice to you is quite simple: do it anyway.
You might be surprised at just how good it makes both of you feel.
This cancer that tries to grow within my shell, that tries to kill it, has been a blessing as well as a curse, on so many levels. I have felt the joy of an outpouring of love and kindness from familiars and strangers alike. I've had conversations and experiences that I'm sure would not have occurred if not for this "threat" that hangs over my head. Dare I be thankful for this curse as a result of the joy that has juxtaposed itself with it? It seems contradictory and yet... on some level I don't think that it can be avoided. Don't get me wrong, I have known (and felt) the love and joy that we all have and are capable of sharing, long before a Doctor found a "nodule" growing on my prostate, it just seems that it takes some kind of tragedy (or impending one) for us to truly let loose and let those around us know how we really feel, about them and sometimes even ourselves.
I have claimed more than one purpose for this rambling blog of mine; education of men's health, quick and easy updates on my condition for the people who care, a place for me to vent. Today, I think I'd like to add another...to remind people that love is a verb, not a noun.
When was the last time you, dear reader, told someone close to you that you love them? Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Spouse, Children, Friend? I'll bet it's been awhile, and I think I know why; for some reason that word makes people squirm. For that discomfort I have no explanation. Perhaps it reminds us of feelings that we selfishly try to keep to ourselves for fear of appearing weak or vulnerable to others. [Which is the opposite of how I think it should make us feel] Whatever the reason for that, my advice to you is quite simple: do it anyway.
You might be surprised at just how good it makes both of you feel.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Chemotherapy, quite a ride.
I have now had two chemo treatments. After the first one the most noticeable affect that I experienced was an irresistible urge to sleep. All the time. Whenever I was not eating or going to the bathroom I was sleeping. That lasted for almost a week. This time around was slower to start, I didn't start sleeping until well into the second day, but so far the effect is the same. I think I may be coming out of it now [at least I hope so] so I thought I'd do a little writing to try and keep me up.
Aside from the sleeping the chemo appears to be doing what it's supposed to do. I have no pain, which is a big one for me. Although, my face is almost completely numb now, making eating somewhat of a challenge, but fortunately not impossible, so it's not doing much to combat the growth in my orbital bone. I have a series of radiation treatments coming up which will hopefully alleviate that problem. They had to make a mask which is molded to my face in order to keep me perfectly still during the "zapping" process. It's kinda neat, I might post a picture of it when we're done, (I get to keep it) it might make a neat profile pic.
Spiritually I'm feeling pretty good, overall. There is a lot of frustration from the fact that I'm weak as a kitten (and sleeping like one) and sometimes that brings me down, but I have a tremendous amount of love and support from my Friends and Family that keeps me strong and optimistic. Sometimes I think the power of that love is more healing for me than all of these treatments and medications combined! It certainly feels that way most of the time. If it wasn't for that I'm sure that I would probably be dead already. If there is one thing that I have learned from this challenging experience it's that the power of love is very real! It should never be underestimated, or taken for granted.
I guess that's all for now. I'm gonna have a shower and attempt to join the land of the living for a little while. Or maybe I'll have a quick nap. haha.
Peace.
Aside from the sleeping the chemo appears to be doing what it's supposed to do. I have no pain, which is a big one for me. Although, my face is almost completely numb now, making eating somewhat of a challenge, but fortunately not impossible, so it's not doing much to combat the growth in my orbital bone. I have a series of radiation treatments coming up which will hopefully alleviate that problem. They had to make a mask which is molded to my face in order to keep me perfectly still during the "zapping" process. It's kinda neat, I might post a picture of it when we're done, (I get to keep it) it might make a neat profile pic.
Spiritually I'm feeling pretty good, overall. There is a lot of frustration from the fact that I'm weak as a kitten (and sleeping like one) and sometimes that brings me down, but I have a tremendous amount of love and support from my Friends and Family that keeps me strong and optimistic. Sometimes I think the power of that love is more healing for me than all of these treatments and medications combined! It certainly feels that way most of the time. If it wasn't for that I'm sure that I would probably be dead already. If there is one thing that I have learned from this challenging experience it's that the power of love is very real! It should never be underestimated, or taken for granted.
I guess that's all for now. I'm gonna have a shower and attempt to join the land of the living for a little while. Or maybe I'll have a quick nap. haha.
Peace.
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